For the last several years, I have been a full time wife, a full time mom and a part time employee. We moms know how much time and effort goes into the above equation. And dads...some of you know, as well. Those of you who have a clue, that is.... Now, now, now... I don't want to debate gender roles and whether there is a place for them in today's society (I'll save that for a later post :)) but I would argue that your perception of those roles has a lot to do with how satisfied you are with who you are.
I understand that what works in one circumstance may not work in another. The following is just a recount of my own personal situation. I let go of that part time employee title almost three weeks ago and today is the first time that my husband and I have crunched numbers TOGETHER. Good? Bad? IDK... *shrugs shoulders*
I have mentally calculated 'income vs expenses' many times to make sure that we weren't headed for complete and catastrophic destruction as a result of my staging a coo. Has he? Perhaps. Probably. I'd bet on it...yeah, I'd betcha green money that he's run the numbers... It's what he does for a living.
But back to my point. It was good and essential that we finally came together to do this.
I anticipated that he would be a bit frustrated with the sudden and unforeseen change in our income. And I heard it tonight.... respectfully. However and nonetheless...
I was very guarded in my responses because I felt that what I had to say was lawful but not expedient. And I guess I'm blogging right now for that very reason.
100% of the responsibility to win bread and bring home bacon now belongs to my husband. I'm encouraging him, praying for him, and making sure to be more cost conscious than I was when I had direct deposit.
However, as always, 100% of what is regarded as the traditional woman's role is mine. Working outside the home became a burden that I could not bear any longer. I cannot and don't want to continue trying to do it all.
Less is definitely more.
Too little, too late, I would bet (green money, again) that my husband would have done things a little differently had he known they would come to a screeching halt this way and this soon.
I'm ready to give myself fully over to what I believe is God's plan.
And we will be okay.
What do you do, when in the middle of the day you have a great idea for the blog space but no opportunity to put fingers to keys? I know I'm new to this but I think I have let some great ideas slip away! I suppose, I could sneak away to an unpopular aisle in the grocery store. When I get there, I could pretend to have a conversation but secretly use the voice record feature on my smartphone? Or better yet, send myself a text message? YES! That sounds great! We all text,
no matter the time or place. <--- I would appear normal... Problem solved. :)
Okay, now on to more important thoughts!
In addition to being a new blogger, I am also a first time home educator. Yikes! :O I absolutely believe that it is the best thing and right thing for my family. I am more than committed to the craft. With anything undertaken for the first time, there is a learning curve. With something as dynamic as four (which includes mine) personalities, there is a lot to be assessed, diagnosed, planned for, implemented and evaluated (this is aka the nursing process:)).
I have chosen a curriculum that I really like. The best way to describe it is to liken it to a house that you have purchased. However, that house that needs your own touches before you can call it your home. I guess that's both what's so great about it and what can be frustrating about it at the same time. As a first timer, sometimes I long for something that is more ready made. I will say that there is a Day By Day Planner that I have yet to use. In my ignorance, I purchased this set used and sight unseen. Unfortunately, My Day by Day Planner is missing the first thirty pages! So right from the start, I have had to dive in head first-- and sink or swim!
This is the end of the third week and I know that I must be a lot more organized. I have to be armed (sounds like I'm going battle, huh?) with a plan for drawing the best out of my kids and making the lesson come alive. And unfortunately, I have to do this covertly (more battlefield talk :). This is because I know that if my kids know that that is the goal, they will take no prisoners and have no mercy in giving me the pass/fail. And I'm under enough pressure already! LOL
In addition to my being a novice, I am coming to realize that my children have to be "unschooled". Although my oldest is only a second grader, she has attended 4 schools! Poor kid! She has been a student of traditional education for four-and-a half years. Even my youngest, who is just 3, has had a year of preschool! They've heard for so long that they had to go to school and that going to school was good for them. And then were sent to the building around the corner and down the street. In that building, the staff did things a certain way and the children are told and grow to perceive this to be the best way. On top of that, when they come home, we reinforce what they have been taught at school. So I believe it is fair to allow them an outlet, a voice and the time necessary to change their point of view and thought processes.
With all of the above on my mind, we are off to the Museum of Nature and Science tomorrow. A light day in the way of planning :) Wish us well!
I plan on using this weekend to gird up in order to be strong in the Lord (and in the lesson LOL)!
So, I hope all of you had a great day today!! I certainly did! I had Jesus, kids and cake (of sorts)! That, my dear friends is an absolute no-fail recipe for making any day great! The coffee is brewing and it's just the nightcap that I need. Gevalia and butter pecan creamer.....Yum! :)
I read a bit in Revelations this morning and it said that the Lord will bless the reader of that book. I definitely, sincerely hope that the blessing is an understanding of it all! I was intrigued but confrused :/ ... Not confused, but confrused...thoroughly! :) But, the Lord is good all the time and I'm sure that he will give me the wisdom I need, just as He promised!
My kids and I got off to a late start and there was no homeschooling at all today. On the one hand, I love the flexibility. On the other, I know that that can get out of control. As I stated before, the privilege to homeschool them is one that I take very seriously. The children's future hangs in the balance and there is too much on the line. Failure is not an option!
I decided to use today as an "administrative" day. A day to get organized, to plan out the lesson for the rest of the week, and to gather materials. I also spoke to the children and asked them for an assessment of our homeschool experience thus far. My oldest child stated that she felt that it was boring and lame :O !!!! I was a little offended but quickly checked that and thanked her for her honesty. "You said it would be fun," she quipped. At this point, I asked my middle child the same questions. My middle girl is a people-pleaser. Therefore, I wasn't sure whether to take her answer at face value or not. I probed a little more and decided to apologize to them. I apologized for telling them, in the beginning, that homeschooling would be fun. I think I was trying to compete with what they'd previosuly known school to be and win them over to my side. I'm definitely not saying that fun is never to be had. However, there has to be balance. I gathered that they expected that everyday would be a "party" of some sort. Their expectation?
Ummmmm, NOT balanced! LOL.
I reminded them that I'd been a nurse for the last 10 years...not a homeschool teacher. I explained to them
that I, indeed, wanted this to be a good experience for them. That I wanted to them to learn new things in a fun, exciting, and multi-sensorial way. However, I needed grace and patience from them. Just as I give them the grace and space to grasp new concepts and their applications, I needed the same from them. That sounds good and pleasant, right?
The running script in my mind actually went more like this...
"Seriously??!! You expect that nouns, pronouns, and plural possessives to bring on circus music and a confetti shower?! Every time?! Cut me some slack, why don't cha?!!!!"
So, just so you know...I'm proud of myself! I just thought those things. I didn't actually say them! LOL.
In all seriousness, I realize there are some things that I need to add to our lesson plan and some things that I need to remove. And I'm okay with that. I believe the key to success for us, especially since this is our first pony ride, will be to embrace the things that work and tweak the things that don't. So, I'm praying for God to give me wisdom and understanding. And not only as far as the teaching the curriculum but also with regard to my children. I'm asking to know them through and through.
I'm asking for an inroad into their hearts and minds. And for the wisdom and revelation of what to do when I'm in there!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I am a homeschooling mommy. And very proud of it!
My three girls have the "privilege (not the term they would use, I'm sure...)" of staying home to learn information that has been handpicked for them by the persons who love them the most. I feel that it is my personal responsibility to make sure that they turn out to be godly wives and mothers. I take the opportunity that I have to program their little brains very seriously. :) I use a curriculum called The Weaver, provided by Alpha-Omega Publications. It's a unit study with a heavy focus on not just the addition of a bible verse into a lesson plan, but the fusion of His word into what is being taught. I absolutely love that you make it what you want it to be!
That being said, this morning when I woke up, I was not in the mood to be a teacher! I'd stayed up late the night before cleaning house, doing laundry and planning the lesson out. Perhaps, that was it. Maybe all I needed was a few more minutes under the blankets. I needed to pretend that the night had not yet given way to a new day. My 3 year old, however, was not about to let that happen! "Mommy!" she called out loudly, even though she was right next to me. The fact that she is in my bed? A mystery yet to be figured out. How did she get here? Maybe it was one of Jesus' latest displays of power. She was moved in the spirit from her bed to mine.. ???
Yeah... Doesn't sound quite right, does it? :) But I digress.... (actually,I am taking suggestions on how to make progress in that area!)
I got out of bed and there sat my 7 year old. She's an early riser/scaredy cat. That explains her presence. :) I tell her that we may as well get started with the day and remind her of her morning routine. The middle child, who is late to sleep and late to rise, is snoring peacefully on the top bunk. I hated to disturb her but did what had to be done. I rocked the creaky metal bunk bed and chanted her name cheerleader-style in order to wake her. Either she really didn't hear me or she was really good at pretending not to have heard me...No worries! I had another cheer in my playbook. She stirred and frowned. I left. Mission accomplished.
Can i just stop here and make a totally unrelated to anything statement? I think I have an ulcer. The pit of my stomach is burning something so fierce that I can feel the discomfort in my back. And I'm drinking coffee. Stupid, I know. But Tim Horton's coffee with a butter pecan creamer is a necessity! Continue to blog or find my off brand acid reducer???
Time for a break! :/
Okay, I have returned... Still in pain but medicated and expecting great relief shortly!
Back to the blog...Some time later, we all gathered in our family room for prayer, praise and a Bill Nye the Science Guy DVD (courtesy of the public library, thank you) about electricity. The kids watched, interested. Afterward, we canvassed the house looking for frayed outlets and then tried to conjure up enough static electricity (by vigorously rubbing our sock feet across the carpet), to shock each other! They were also pretty amazed by a simple science experiment using tissue paper, a plastic comb, and a cute little lilac sweater. Science for the day done. CHECK!
After that, the children read a book, wrote a summary, and did an oral presentation on the sharing rug, AKA the front door rug, LOL. We summed up the day's lessons with a review, or test, if you will, over the information that we'd covered over the last 3 weeks. Did I mention that this is the first year that we've homeschooled? Ok, I guess I just did.
Because of that, I am always secretly reviewing material with them because I want to make sure that my brainwashing techniques are working LOL. Much to my satisfaction, they fared pretty well and we called it a day...
My prayer is for the Lord to bless our homeschooling endeavors. To bless the children with His presence as they get to know and understand His Word "all the more", as the mothers from my old church used to say. :) To bless me with understanding and wisdom concerning how and what to share with them.
My dear husband and I are asking the Lord to bless our decisions to homeschool and my staying home with the kids.
I believe that my staying home is critical to the fulfillment of my creation role. Can it be done otherwise? Sure, with God all things are possible... :/ It, however, was impossible for me. The likely reason? Operating in my own strength! <---FAIL! lol...
My perception of the issue (and I say that because there are 2 sides to every story) was that I worked outside the home and that his contribution inside the home was not enough. There was SO much that I felt responsible for. I don't feel the need to go into a lot of detail because plenty of you can relate. I have a home to care for and administrate, 3 children, 2 big dogs, etc. I was tired, exhausted, and worst of all, harboring resentment toward my husband.
1 Cor 13 admonishes us to "bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things" (NASB, v7). I wasn't scoring very well in this area!
It was difficult for me to walk in the absolute truth of 1 Corinthians 13 with my husband. I was constantly keeping record of my offenses. I found it hard to truly respect him. I was having issues with being grateful for the things that he WAS doing because
to me, it was never enough. I was forever focused on his faults and never took the time to praise him for the areas in which he was truly winning.
So, fast forward to me making the decision to stay home. Get to it, right? :) I was kind of in-between jobs... I'd just resigned from one job and was poised to start with a new company within the next week. The new job would call for less hours per day, the same number of days per week. The pay was a bit less but the drive was going to be a bit further....in rush hour traffic. Boooooo!! :( I was happy in the sense that I was leaving my old gig behind for something less taxing but still very unsettled about what was going on within.
Sometime between the time that I resigned from job 1 and the weekend before I was supposed to start job 2 , I had a very strong desire to stop working... I am not claiming some supernatural uneasiness or lack of peace that I can call the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I had simply arrived at the point where I believed that I needed and wanted to do what God had created me to do, first and foremost. I would be amiss if I did not admit, at this time, that my pastor believes strongly in what he refers to as "creation roles."
Unfortunately, this desire manifested itself in ....not so Godly ways (hides face in shame, lol) It took on the form of anger, sadness, the silent treatment, abstaining (!) and a plain 'ol disinterest in anything concerning my husband. I guess I was shutting down? Pushing him away? Building a wall (a stronghold and space for the enemy) between he and I? The poor guy was just catching it! This, of course, all stemmed from a lack of communication. I didnt want to voice these concerns to my husband. Why? I'd been there, done that! End result? ---> I felt crazy for wanting something different than what was normal for multitudes of women. In the U.S., women make up nearly half the workforce.
On the flip side, after having this conversation once before, my poor husband felt beat down and belittled because the good that he was doing was not being recognized or acknowledged.
I felt like God knew how I felt and if it was important or legitimate, then He could get the information to my husband better than I could. As I stated before, this was probably already happening due to the fact that we had been discussing roles and responsibilities at church for a long while now.
To make a long story longer :), I was working my last two days of job 1 and I sent him a text msg at the end of the first night and told him that I was done working. His response? "K." Huh??????? I didnt know whether to take that at face value or whether there was a storm brewing. However, after that seemingly very simple text-mode conversation, I immediately felt better.
The job that I had lined up, I turned it down. I was forthcoming with the manager as to why I was now declining the position. She seemed very understanding and even supportive of my decision. God bless her!
I just spent my first full week at home with the children!!! I am forever grateful to God for this opportunity and to my husband for being supportive. I used to gripe at my husband for his lack of effort when it came to household tasks. I feel like, "I'm home, its my responsibility to keep it decent and in order." It gets messy from time to time but I make every attempt to to keep the house clean. I prefer it that way and I want him to feel comfortable and assured that I'm committed to my role as wife and mother.
I will say (there's a bug crawling on my floor. Hold on....(ok, I'm back) ) that since I have been home, I no longer feel as if I'm pulling double duty. My hubby and I have been enjoying each other more--both as simple companions and lovers. He has said that he immediately felt the tension lift
and noticed that he hasn't had to take cover from the many fiery sarcastic darts I usually carry around in my arsenal. :/
We are not rich or wealthy. Just regular middle class folks. We are realistic and understand that there will have to be sacrifices and cutbacks made. However, the investment I believe I'm making in my marriage and in my children is beyond worth it.
I believe that God is pleased with the desire to turn away from my sin ( in the way I was treating my husband) and turn toward righteousness. I plan to have a marriage modeled after God's design and not after the ways of this world. I want my daughters to know what a good wife and mother
is because they've had one modeled before them.
I'm sure that with what we have done, challenges are sure to surface. However, we are equipped with what we believe the will of God is for our family. The joy, peace, and contentment of the Lord is our strength. We will leave an inheritance of faith and obedience to our children.
We will be just fine.
