Time!! Where are you??!!!

     Hello...Or not. It's been a long time, huh? Well, to be honest, it's hard to keep blogging when you have no audience!!! LOL! I am writing and writing and writing and no one is reading! But that's okay, I suppose. All in due time....
     I have been a bit busy and that pretty much sucks because I have had to squeeze the homeschooling tasks in between all the other things that are going on. Giving my children the short end of the stick is NOT the goal. But, on a positive note, I guess that that is the beauty of homeschooling--the flexibility!
      I've had a full week thus far. In fact, last week I was dreading the start of this one because of the many obligations I knew were in place. Tomorrow, I have nothing to do (except clean house :/ and teach my babies) and no place to go! And it feels darn good!! Thursday holds a mid-day appointment, nothing Friday, and a full Saturday. I just need to make it to Sunday afternoon and then I can rest!
     So, I'll be making the most of the little time that I have. Praying and prioritizing! Let's see how this goes!!  Hoping for the best.....

    

Beyond tired of this!

     I am blogging now because I need to vent. And I'm kinda open to suggestions, kinda not. I have just had the 6-millionth bedtime battle with my 3 year old and just like the title states, I am BEYOND tired of this malarkey (btw, thanks for the terminology Mr. VP)!!!
     I was skimming through a few forums on bedtime battles and most of the comments and advice given just angered me. Thus, my trolling session was pretty short. I am weary of suggestions like: "Go to bed with your child", "Make sure there is a bedtime routine", and "Conduct a super-deep analysis into the psyche of your child to figure out what issues he or she may be dealing with that are only exacerbated during the night time hours..." Please!!!!! Give me a break!!!!
     I am sorry but this child of mine will be 4 years old in less than a month. I have two other children beside her. I am home with them all day, spending heavy quality time. When I say bedtime, I mean bedtime! Don't get me wrong, there is some legitimacy to what's listed above. I slept with the child for the first two years of her life, we have a bedtime routine, and as far asthe super deep analysis of her issues goes..... The only issue that has merit in my book right now is the fact that she is being disobedient. And it needs to be addressed.
     Believe it or not, I actually need time after the day is done to decompress. To have some quiet time to myself. To spend time with my husband if he is actually home. To run to the grocery store for the next morning's breakfast. Is that asking too much??? I don't think so!
    I feel as though I have addressed every possible scenario and am at my wits end. I am not going to the bookstore to buy some sleep book. There is a very simple solution. Go.To.Bed. Or else!

I don't know or else what since my or elses haven't worked thus far...but I mean it, or else! Sigh...

Finding the upside

     Well, family... It's been a couple of days since I posted here and just thought that I would come and pay my respects.  Hope that you all had a swell day 'cause I surely did...not.

I was awakened by a gentle south wind, the warm sun gently kissing my eyelids, and the sound of birds chirping my name.  UMMMM!!! NO!!! It was actually the sound of my husband getting ready for work. Which, I guess is a good thing. The Bible says if a man doesn't work, he ought not to eat (2 Thess 3:10). And since I am no longer employed, the sound of somebody going to work ought to be pleasantries in my ears, right? Yeahhh, about that..

I'll make sure to keep repeating that to myself...

In the mornings, I am forced to "listen" to the sounds of:

1. the rapid fire sound of machine gun pee pellets hitting the toilet water
2. the shower head screaming as hot water finally makes it way to the master bath, and
3. my husband's body release the night's pent up farts and  raucous pig-face snorting that I'm sure a surgical procedure is needed to correct.

Great start. Well, at least I am alive to see another day.

Jesus, coffee, kids and cake. The name of my blog. Pretty much sums up my life, I suppose. Oh wait, the above mentioned that I am married. Where's that in the blog title? That's the cake. Duh! Because being married to a man completely my opposite is SO easy! It's a cake-walk!

NOT!!!

The cake in my blog title is actually...cake, folks. I am a sucker for sweets. Hence, my ever expanding waist line...

Well, back to my un-swell day.... Homeschooling the children today was like trying to catch a greasy pig or asking the Texas sun to leave the sky or trying to sell used matches or...you get the picture, right? It just took them sooooo long to do everything. I had planned on a short day but they made sure to foil my plans. Lots of resistance, lots of protests, and lots of breaks... They were definitely trying my patience. And my 3 year old has been the brattiest little booger for the last couple of weeks!!

Aaargh! What have I done to deserve this treatment?
Is this you Lord, lol? Are you trying to get my attention?
Are you showing me myself again? I surely hope not!

I've got to get a game plan together to deal with these children of mine. I love them to death
but they need some twirking. There are a few bugs and kinks to work out before I can confidently present them to anybody. I offered my youngest to my sister today. She refused. :/

Maybe next week, we will spend our time discussing and working on behavior. I've never put any stock in this but maybe there are some things in their diets that need to be taken out? They definitely need more physical exercise. So, time to re-invent this at-home learning thing again.

Soon, I will find what works "perfectly" (knock on wood) for our family.

On the upside, I am still ecstatic about the opportunity to homeschool. I love opening their little brains and pouring in Jesus, who has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness (2 Pe 1:3)

Upside #2, when my husband and his bodily sounds returned home, I was able to steal away a few moments to ride my bike around the subdivision and walk the darn dog :P

Upside #3, tomorrow is the women's fellowship. Brunch at the Grand Lux Cafe. Looking forward to some "me" time!

Jesus , coffee, kids and cake

    So... I'm on my way to bed but thought that I would share this. I don't think the Lord will mind. It is helpful to me and maybe it will be  helpful to one of you <3 <3 <3
     I woke up this morning in a rush. I had to get the children out of bed, washed, clothed and fed in an hour's time. I had a dentist appointment 45 minutes away and had to drop them off at my mom's on the way. Not to say that anything is wrong with it, but getting up early this morning reminded me of going to work :/ and I pretty much LOVE being able to sleep in every morning. The whole getting the kids up and ready within an hour's time brought back memories of the Monday- Friday grind of getting them to their teachers by 8 a.m. Don't miss that one bit! And they had to admit that they didn't either! :)
     But to move my story along, I picked the children up from my mom's a couple hours later and proceeded to the African American History Museum. We were supposed to go yesterday but I did not have possession of my car keys and thus, we stayed home all day. Flop.
     Once I got downtown, I found that we were right in the middle of lots of people and lots of traffic. I realized that I'd chosen a bad day for a historical field trip. Why, you ask? The State Fair was going on..... BOOOOOO!!!!!
     I paid $15 to park (normally it is free) and that strengthened my resolved to press on with my visit to the museum. Hey! I'm a stay home mom! Free parking and free museum admission resonates deeply with me! LOL.
     My children had not yet caught on to what was occurring around us. My oldest began to say, "Mom, we haven't done anything fun in a long time." What did I end up doing? You guessed it! Taking the children to the State Fair. I didn't want to, nor had I planned to. It just sorta happened. I found myself at the admission gates paying 52$ (:O)for the 4 of us. I regretted every single bill that I handed the clerk. Inside, I paid an additional 60$ for them to ride a handful of here-one-day-gone-the-next carnival rides.
     The State Fair is held in the museum district of the city so we actually did make it to the museum. We were there for a short time before making the long stroll back to the car. On the way back to the car, my oldest says, "We didn't get any prizes. I wasn't able to play any games!" And boy oh boy! My blood began to boil!!! All I can think about at the time is how a free trip ended up costing me over 100$ !!! She has the nerve to express such ungratefulness! I quickly turned around and told her how disappointed I was in the fact that she is never satisfied and always finds something to complain about. I spent money that I very well should have been paying bills with and this child of mine has the audacity.....
     I spent the next several hours pondering this situation. That is how much it bothered me--like down to my core. And this thought popped into my head, "You prayed for the Lord to open your eyes and show you yourself." BACK THE TRUCK UP!! "Lord, this is your way of showing me me?" I couldn't quite settle on whether it was Him or me, but decided that either way it goes, I will address it with my children and definitely address it within myself. If I felt that strongly about what my child was exhibiting, how much more the only true and living God whose name IS love and provision! Okay, Lord, I see it now....
    Last thing and I'll let you go. I was doing some reading before bed (and obviously before blogging). My pastor has an email list and sends out a brief devotional every day. This particular one indirectly addressed the power, or lack thereof, of Satan. He explained in this devotional that Satan uses the footholds or opportunities that we give him against us. He uses what we say, what we do and what we think to gain entrance into our lives to deceive and manipulate us into shifting our focus away from God and His Word. That immediately brought to mind the fact that I'd told my children, in anger and in hurt, that, 'I was done with them and that they weren't ever to ask me for another thing'.
     I began to think of how later in the evening, my child apologized for being "ungrateful." I'd muttered a thank you and kept going about my way. Was I holding a grudge??!! Really? Against my child? EPIC FAIL!!!!!
     I thought about the mercy and grace that God had extended, and does extend to me and felt shamefaced. Why was I the one being childish? I realized that it was because I am struggling with getting used to living on one income. I was taking the opportunity to deflect onto someone else. Poor kid. Was my child wrong? Absolutely, I believe that she was. However, it is my job to turn that into a living, teachable moment.
   After they had gone to bed, I realized that I needed to forgive her and move on-- quickly. Move on to showing her the example of Christ. Forgiveness and restoration. How dare I allow my feelings to create room for the enemy in my life and the lives of my children! How can one resent a child? I have been arrested by the expectations of God and am repentant and remorseful. This thing is a non-issue RIGHT NOW. There is forgiveness, not resentment. There is a mature example and a life lesson, not a set-up for my child to have some sort of issue or complex later.
   I forgive and am forgiven. And tomorrow, when she wakes, I will give her a big hug and a kiss and let her know that this incident has been "forgotten." Like it never happened. I will apologize, tell her that I was wrong and ask her to forgive me also.

Thank you Jesus for the lesson.

I'm back!

  Okay friends... I haven't been a part of the blogosphere for a little while now. Nothing like life to pop up and interrupt things right? I get migraines (lucky me). And last week I found myself in the urgent care and in the ER because of the headaches. Definitely not fun. It's not like I didn't receive "prudent and efficient" care, (wink, wink Tina, RN :)) but being a patient is just not enjoyable. I'd much rather be the nurse :) (Those of you who have my earlier posts know that I am a nurse by trade).
After being out of commission for a few days, it took me a while to get back to normal. The prescribed medications helped my symptoms but had me feeling some kind of way. :/ When I finally felt that I was myself again, there was a household just waiting for somebody to take control of it. And, of course, that someone would be me. I could only muster up the strength to homeschool my children 1 day that week. They'd been staying with my mom and sister and so counted the break in the lesson as a little vacation. These children of mine.... Don't they know the value of a good education? Kidding, kidding...
  Between this post and the last, I have had lots of thoughts that I wished I'd had the time to commit to my blog space. Unfortunately, it just wasn't there. But alas, I have returned to Jesus, coffee, kids and cake! And I'm glad about it! I need this blog and this anonymity. I write to sort out my thoughts so this helps me tremendously. And once it truly takes on a defined form, maybe it will helps someone else as well... We'll see... 
Right now, I will just be satisfied with a place to share my feelings and thoughts concerning those things that are common to wives and mothers. <3
  Speaking of the common threads between us all, how many of you find yourselves burning the candle at both ends? I sure have been guilty of that lately. Take tonight for example. It's 4 am and here I am...blogging. I think I just heard someone yell, "GET TO BED!!" Or maybe that was the voice inside my head? Anywho, I have been awake for almost 24 hours now and surely I will pay for this tomorrow. However, I find that I can work most efficiently after my children have been put down for a midsummers night dream. Technically, it's fall though, right? Ok, let me think (I'm warning you, maybe not so well at this hour)... After my children have FALLen to sleep. Ha! That was a funny play on words, eh? Eh? Eh? I know, I know. It was lame and pointless.... But back to my original point--I can actually get things done when they are quietly tucked away in their beds. Imagine that! 
  But seriously, I have cleaned the entire house, done several week's worth of laundry, opened a foot-high stack of mail, and  made preparation to pay bills with my hubby tomorrow. I have really accomplished A LOT! And this is really a big deal because let me tell you something else about me... I am a HUGE procrastinator! I always say that I'm gonna stop procrastinating tomorrow. And of course, tomorrow never comes. Seriously though, that's one of the areas of my life that I need to tighten up. That and being more disciplined and more organized. Let me know if anyone knows of any good support
groups in the area! Like the kind that meet in an elementary school cafeteria on weeknights... Kidding, Kidding.
On a serious note, I have just met my 1 month stay at home mommy status anniversary! *bows sweetly* And no, seriously, what do I find myself doing? Behaving just like the children of Israel! Wondering if I have made the right choice, wondering if I am in God's timing? Odd, huh? The very thing that I used to complain (tsk, tsk. I know.) about, am I know seeking to find that stress and take refuge in it? As stated before, I believe it to primarily be the man's responsibility to provide for the family. I don't necessarily believe that women should not work outside the home. This is just what it has come to in my situation. I needed reciprocity. I needed and expected more help than I was receiving. It is a difficult thing to be a Godly wife, to love and nurture your children, to keep house, etc. AND work outside the home--all at the same time. I had pretty much had it up to here *points to eyebrows with all four fingers* with the responsibility of it all and just decided that I was done with my assistance in the "wage earner" column.
  However, yesterday, I was in need of some support. I went through a photo list in my head. MOM, SISTER, GOOD FRIEND, FORMER CO-WORKER, COUSIN, CHURCH FRIENDS. I eliminated each one for no certain reason or another... I felt the need to pray. Pray to the God of this universe, the master planner of this community in which we live and die. To pray to Jesus with my understanding and in the Spirit. There HAD to be something that needed to be spoken into existence. I was feeling purposeless. Egads! How can that be, right? My hands are literally filled with the privilege and opportunity to be the first responder in the lives of three beautiful children! There are souls are on the line! They are to be taught and urged to become soldiers in the Lord's army!
  And if I know all of that, then what, pretell is my problem???? Well, I think the problem is a lack of perspetive. It's easy to get caught up in the everyday mundane tasks of life. I have been walking around like a cute little robot and  just going through the motions. Finding myself bored...and questioning the reasons for which I decided to be a stay home mom. Why have I become unfocused? Possibly it is remembering what it was like to get a direct deposit ? Or maybe it is the new caution with which I spend? *Sigh...*
So, until I hear from the Lord, I will be quieting myself more and praying more. I am going to read my Bible more with the hope of finding solace, comfort, encouragement and confirmation as to whether I have embarked upon the right path.
Actually, I know that I have. I just need the peace of God that surpasses all understanding to get me around, over or under this little roadblock of doubt. 
Goodnight yall!

The double standard...

For the last several years, I have been a full time wife, a full time mom and a part time employee. We moms know how much time and effort goes into the above equation. And dads...some of you know, as well. Those of you who have a clue, that is.... Now, now, now... I don't want to debate gender roles and whether there is a place for them in today's society (I'll save that for a later post :)) but I would argue that your perception of those roles has a lot to do with how satisfied you are with who you are.

I understand that what works in one circumstance may not work in another. The following is just a recount of my own personal situation. I let go of that part time employee title almost three weeks ago and today is the first time that my husband and I have crunched numbers TOGETHER. Good? Bad? IDK... *shrugs shoulders* 

I have mentally calculated 'income vs expenses' many times to make sure that we weren't headed for complete and catastrophic destruction as a result of my staging a coo. Has he? Perhaps. Probably. I'd bet on it...yeah, I'd betcha green money that he's run the numbers... It's what he does for a living. 

But back to my point. It was good and essential that we finally came together to do this.
I anticipated that he would be a bit frustrated with the sudden and unforeseen change in our income.  And I heard it tonight.... respectfully. However and nonetheless...

I was very guarded in my responses because I felt that what I had to say was lawful but not expedient. And I guess I'm blogging right now for that very reason. 

100% of the responsibility to win bread and bring home bacon now belongs to my husband. I'm encouraging him, praying for him, and making sure to be more cost conscious than I was when I had direct deposit.

However, as always, 100% of what is regarded as the traditional woman's role is mine.  Working outside the home became a burden that I could not bear any longer.  I cannot and  don't want to continue trying to do it all.

Less is definitely more.

Too little, too late, I would bet (green money, again) that my husband would have done things a little differently had he known they would come to a screeching halt this way and this soon. 

I'm ready to give myself fully over to what I believe is God's plan. 

And we will be okay.   

Is this a repeat? Guess you can tell where my mind is!

What do you do, when in the middle of the day you have a great idea for the blog space but no opportunity to put  fingers to keys? I know I'm new to this but I think I have let some great ideas slip away! I suppose, I could sneak away to an unpopular aisle in the grocery store. When I get there, I could pretend to have a conversation but secretly use the voice record feature on my smartphone? Or better yet, send myself a text message? YES! That sounds great! We all text,
no matter the time or place. <--- I would appear normal... Problem solved. :)

Okay, now on to more important thoughts!

In addition to being a new blogger, I am also a first time home educator. Yikes! :O I absolutely believe that it is the best thing and right thing for my family. I am more than committed to the craft. With anything undertaken for the first time, there is a learning curve. With something as dynamic as four (which includes mine) personalities, there is a lot to be assessed, diagnosed, planned for, implemented and evaluated (this is aka the nursing process:)).

I have chosen a curriculum that I really like. The best way to describe it is to liken it to a house that you have purchased. However, that house that needs your own touches before you can call it your home. I guess that's both what's so great about it and what can be frustrating about it at the same time. As a first timer, sometimes I long for something that is more ready made. I will say that there is a Day By Day Planner that I have yet to use. In my ignorance, I purchased this set used and sight unseen. Unfortunately, My Day by Day Planner is missing the first thirty pages! So right from the start, I have had to dive in head first-- and sink or swim!

This is the end of the third week and I know that I must be a lot more organized. I have to be armed (sounds like I'm going battle, huh?) with a plan for drawing the best out of my kids and making the lesson come alive. And unfortunately, I have to do this covertly (more battlefield talk :). This is because I know that if my kids know that that is the goal, they will take no prisoners and have no mercy in giving me the pass/fail. And I'm under enough pressure already! LOL 

In addition to my being a novice, I am coming to realize that my children have to be "unschooled". Although my oldest is only a second grader, she has attended 4 schools! Poor kid! She has been a student of traditional education for four-and-a half years. Even my youngest, who is just 3, has had a year of preschool! They've heard for so long that they had to go to school and that going to school was good for them. And then were sent to the building around the corner and down the street. In that building, the staff did things a certain way and the children are told and grow to perceive this to be the best way. On top of that, when they come home, we reinforce what they have been taught at school. So I believe it is fair to allow them an outlet, a voice and the time necessary to change their point of view and thought processes.

With all of the above on my mind, we are off to the Museum of Nature and Science tomorrow. A light day in the way of planning :) Wish us well!

I plan on using this weekend to gird up in order to  be strong in the Lord (and in the lesson LOL)!

Just started and already making changes...

So, I hope all of you had a great day today!! I certainly did! I had Jesus, kids and cake (of sorts)! That, my dear friends is an absolute no-fail recipe for making any day great! The coffee is brewing and it's just the nightcap that I need. Gevalia and butter pecan creamer.....Yum! :) 

I read a bit in Revelations this morning and it said that the Lord will bless the reader of that book. I definitely, sincerely hope that the blessing is an understanding of it all! I was intrigued but confrused :/ ... Not confused, but confrused...thoroughly! :) But, the Lord is good all the time and I'm sure that he will give me the wisdom I need, just as He promised!

My kids and I got off to a late start and there was no homeschooling at all today. On the one hand, I love the flexibility. On the other, I know that that can get out of control. As I stated before, the privilege to homeschool them is one that I take very seriously. The children's future hangs in the balance and there is too much on the line. Failure is not an option!

 I decided to use today as an "administrative" day. A day to get organized, to plan out the lesson for the rest of the week, and to gather materials. I also spoke to the children and asked them for an assessment of our homeschool experience thus far. My oldest child stated that she felt that it was boring and lame :O !!!! I was a little offended but quickly checked that and thanked her for her honesty. "You said it would be fun," she quipped. At this point, I asked my middle child the same questions. My middle girl is a people-pleaser. Therefore, I wasn't sure whether to take her answer at face value or not. I probed a little more and decided to apologize to them. I apologized for telling them, in the beginning, that homeschooling would be fun. I think I was trying to compete with what they'd previosuly known school to be and win them over to my side. I'm definitely not saying that fun is never to be had. However, there has to be balance. I gathered that they expected that everyday would be a "party" of some sort. Their expectation?
Ummmmm, NOT balanced! LOL.

I reminded them that I'd been a nurse for the last 10 years...not a homeschool teacher. I explained to them
that I, indeed, wanted this to be a good experience for them. That I wanted to them to learn new things in a fun, exciting, and multi-sensorial way. However, I needed grace and patience from them. Just as I give them the grace and space to grasp new concepts and their applications, I needed the same from them. That sounds good and pleasant, right?

The running script in my mind actually went more like this... 

"Seriously??!! You expect that nouns, pronouns, and plural possessives to bring on circus music and a confetti shower?! Every time?! Cut me some slack, why don't cha?!!!!" 

So, just so you know...I'm proud of myself! I just thought those things. I didn't actually say them! LOL.

In all seriousness, I realize there are some things that I need to add to our lesson plan and some things that I need to remove.  And I'm okay with that. I believe the key to success for us, especially since this is our first pony ride, will be to embrace the things that work and tweak the things that don't. So, I'm praying for God to give me wisdom and understanding. And not only as far as the teaching the curriculum but also with regard to my children. I'm asking to know them through and through. 
I'm asking for an inroad into their hearts and minds. And for the wisdom and revelation of what to do when I'm in there!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Monday

I am a homeschooling mommy. And very proud of it!

My three girls have the "privilege (not the term they would use, I'm sure...)" of staying home to learn information that has been handpicked for them by the persons who love them the most. I feel that it is my personal responsibility to make sure that they turn out to be godly wives and mothers.  I take the opportunity that I have to program their little brains very seriously. :)  I use a curriculum called The Weaver, provided by Alpha-Omega Publications. It's a unit study with a heavy focus on not just the addition of a bible verse into a lesson plan, but the fusion of His word into what is being taught. I absolutely love that you make it what you want it to be!

That being said, this morning when I woke up, I was not in the mood to be a teacher! I'd stayed up late the night before cleaning house, doing laundry and planning the lesson out. Perhaps, that was it. Maybe all I needed was a few more minutes under the blankets. I needed to pretend that the night had not yet given way to a new day. My 3 year old, however, was not about to let that happen! "Mommy!" she called out loudly, even though she was right next to me. The fact that she is in my bed? A mystery yet to be figured out. How did she get here? Maybe it was one of Jesus' latest displays of power. She was moved in the spirit from her bed to mine.. ???
Yeah... Doesn't sound quite right, does it? :)  But I digress.... (actually,I am taking suggestions on how to make progress in that area!) 

I got out of bed and there sat my 7 year old. She's an early riser/scaredy cat. That explains her presence. :) I tell her that we may as well get started with the day and remind her of her morning routine. The middle child, who is late to sleep and late to rise, is snoring peacefully on the top bunk. I hated to disturb her but did what had to be done. I rocked the creaky metal bunk bed and chanted her name cheerleader-style in order to wake her. Either she really didn't hear me or she was really good at pretending not to have heard me...No worries! I had another cheer in my playbook. She stirred and frowned. I left. Mission accomplished. 

Can i just stop here and make a totally unrelated to anything statement? I think I have an ulcer. The pit of my stomach is burning something so fierce that I can feel the discomfort in my back. And I'm drinking coffee. Stupid, I know. But Tim Horton's coffee with a butter pecan creamer is a necessity! Continue to blog or find my off brand acid reducer??? 

Time for a break! :/ 

Okay, I have returned... Still in pain but medicated and expecting great relief shortly!

Back to the blog...Some time later, we all gathered in our family room for prayer, praise and a Bill Nye the Science Guy DVD (courtesy of the public library, thank you) about electricity. The kids watched, interested. Afterward, we canvassed the house looking for frayed outlets and then tried to conjure up enough static electricity (by vigorously rubbing our sock feet across the carpet), to shock each other! They were also pretty amazed by a simple science experiment using tissue paper, a plastic comb, and a cute little lilac sweater. Science for the day done. CHECK!

After that, the children read a book, wrote a summary, and did an oral presentation on the sharing rug, AKA the front door rug, LOL. We summed up the day's lessons with a review, or test, if you will, over the information that we'd covered over the last 3 weeks. Did I mention that this is the first year that we've homeschooled? Ok, I guess I just did. 
Because of that, I am always secretly reviewing material with them because I want to make sure that my brainwashing techniques are working LOL. Much to my satisfaction, they fared pretty well and we called it a day...

My prayer is for the Lord to bless our homeschooling endeavors. To bless the children with His presence as they get to know and understand His Word "all the more", as the mothers from my old church used to say. :) To bless me with understanding and wisdom concerning how and what to share with them. 

Home Is Where My Heart Is.

My dear husband and I are asking the Lord to bless our decisions to homeschool and my staying home with the kids.

I believe that my staying home is critical to the fulfillment of my creation role. Can it be done otherwise? Sure, with God all things are possible... :/  It, however, was impossible for me. The likely reason? Operating in my own strength! <---FAIL! lol...

My perception of the issue (and I say that because there are 2 sides to every story) was that I worked outside the home and that his contribution inside the home was not enough. There was SO much that I felt responsible for. I don't feel the need to go into a lot of detail because plenty of you can relate. I have a home to care for and administrate, 3 children, 2 big dogs, etc. I was tired, exhausted, and worst of all, harboring resentment toward my husband.

1 Cor 13 admonishes us to "bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things" (NASB, v7). I wasn't scoring very well in this area!

It was difficult for me to walk in the absolute truth of 1 Corinthians 13 with my husband. I was constantly keeping record of my offenses.  I found it hard to truly respect him. I was having issues with being grateful for the things that he WAS doing because
to me, it was never enough. I was forever focused on his faults and never took the time to praise him for the areas in which he was truly winning. 

So, fast forward to me making the decision to stay home. Get to it, right? :) I was kind of in-between jobs... I'd just resigned from one job and was poised to start with a new company within the next week. The new job would call for less hours per day, the same number of days per week. The pay was a bit less but the drive was going to be a bit further....in rush hour traffic. Boooooo!! :(  I was happy in the sense that I was leaving my old gig behind for something less taxing but still very unsettled about what was going on within.

Sometime between the time that I resigned from job 1 and the weekend before I was supposed to start job 2 , I had a very strong desire to stop working... I am not claiming some supernatural uneasiness or lack of peace that I can call the prompting of the Holy Spirit.  I had simply arrived at the point where I believed that I needed and wanted to do what God had created me to do, first and foremost. I would be amiss if I did not admit, at this time, that my pastor believes strongly in what he refers to as "creation roles."

Unfortunately, this desire manifested itself in ....not so Godly ways (hides face in shame, lol)  It took on the form of anger, sadness, the silent treatment, abstaining (!) and a plain 'ol disinterest in anything concerning my husband. I guess I was shutting down? Pushing him away? Building a wall (a stronghold and space for the enemy) between he and I? The poor guy was just catching it!  This, of course, all stemmed from a lack of communication. I didnt want to voice these concerns to my husband. Why? I'd been there, done that! End result? ---> I felt crazy for wanting something different than what was normal for multitudes of women. In the U.S., women make up nearly half the workforce.
On the flip side, after having this conversation once before, my poor husband felt beat down and belittled because the good that he was doing was not being recognized or acknowledged.

I felt like God knew how I felt and if it was important or legitimate, then He could get the information to my husband better than I could. As I stated before, this was probably already happening due to the fact that we had been discussing roles and responsibilities at church for a long while now.

To make a long story longer :), I was working my last two days of job 1 and I sent him a text msg at the end of the first night and told him that I was done working. His response?  "K." Huh??????? I didnt know whether to take that at face value or whether there was a storm brewing. However, after that seemingly very simple text-mode conversation, I immediately felt better.

The job that I had lined up, I turned it down. I was forthcoming with the manager as to why I was now declining the position. She seemed very understanding and even supportive of my decision. God bless her!

I just spent my first full week at home with the children!!! I am forever grateful to God for this opportunity and to my husband for being supportive. I used to gripe at my husband for his lack of effort when it came to household tasks.  I feel like,  "I'm home, its my responsibility to keep it decent and in order." It gets messy from time to time but I make every attempt to to keep the house clean. I prefer it that way and I want him to feel comfortable and assured that I'm committed to my role as wife and mother.

I will say (there's a bug crawling on my floor. Hold on....(ok, I'm back) ) that since I have been home, I no longer feel as if I'm pulling double duty. My hubby and I have been enjoying each other more--both as simple companions and lovers. He has said that he immediately felt the tension lift
and noticed that he hasn't had to take cover from the many fiery sarcastic darts I usually carry around in my arsenal. :/

We are not rich or wealthy. Just regular middle class folks. We are realistic and understand that there will have to be sacrifices and cutbacks made. However, the investment I believe I'm making in my marriage and in my children is beyond worth it.

 I believe that God is pleased with the desire to turn away from my sin ( in the way I was treating my husband) and turn toward righteousness. I plan to have a marriage modeled after God's design and not after the ways of this world. I want my daughters to know what a good wife and mother
is because they've had one modeled before them. 

I'm sure that with what we have done, challenges are sure to surface. However, we are equipped with what we believe the will of God is for our family. The joy, peace, and contentment of the Lord is our strength. We will leave an inheritance of faith and obedience to our children.

We will be just fine.