So... I'm on my way to bed but thought that I would share this. I don't think the Lord will mind. It is helpful to me and maybe it will be helpful to one of you <3 <3 <3
I woke up this morning in a rush. I had to get the children out of bed, washed, clothed and fed in an hour's time. I had a dentist appointment 45 minutes away and had to drop them off at my mom's on the way. Not to say that anything is wrong with it, but getting up early this morning reminded me of going to work :/ and I pretty much LOVE being able to sleep in every morning. The whole getting the kids up and ready within an hour's time brought back memories of the Monday- Friday grind of getting them to their teachers by 8 a.m. Don't miss that one bit! And they had to admit that they didn't either! :)
But to move my story along, I picked the children up from my mom's a couple hours later and proceeded to the African American History Museum. We were supposed to go yesterday but I did not have possession of my car keys and thus, we stayed home all day. Flop.
Once I got downtown, I found that we were right in the middle of lots of people and lots of traffic. I realized that I'd chosen a bad day for a historical field trip. Why, you ask? The State Fair was going on..... BOOOOOO!!!!!
I paid $15 to park (normally it is free) and that strengthened my resolved to press on with my visit to the museum. Hey! I'm a stay home mom! Free parking and free museum admission resonates deeply with me! LOL.
My children had not yet caught on to what was occurring around us. My oldest began to say, "Mom, we haven't done anything fun in a long time." What did I end up doing? You guessed it! Taking the children to the State Fair. I didn't want to, nor had I planned to. It just sorta happened. I found myself at the admission gates paying 52$ (:O)for the 4 of us. I regretted every single bill that I handed the clerk. Inside, I paid an additional 60$ for them to ride a handful of here-one-day-gone-the-next carnival rides.
The State Fair is held in the museum district of the city so we actually did make it to the museum. We were there for a short time before making the long stroll back to the car. On the way back to the car, my oldest says, "We didn't get any prizes. I wasn't able to play any games!" And boy oh boy! My blood began to boil!!! All I can think about at the time is how a free trip ended up costing me over 100$ !!! She has the nerve to express such ungratefulness! I quickly turned around and told her how disappointed I was in the fact that she is never satisfied and always finds something to complain about. I spent money that I very well should have been paying bills with and this child of mine has the audacity.....
I spent the next several hours pondering this situation. That is how much it bothered me--like down to my core. And this thought popped into my head, "You prayed for the Lord to open your eyes and show you yourself." BACK THE TRUCK UP!! "Lord, this is your way of showing me me?" I couldn't quite settle on whether it was Him or me, but decided that either way it goes, I will address it with my children and definitely address it within myself. If I felt that strongly about what my child was exhibiting, how much more the only true and living God whose name IS love and provision! Okay, Lord, I see it now....
Last thing and I'll let you go. I was doing some reading before bed (and obviously before blogging). My pastor has an email list and sends out a brief devotional every day. This particular one indirectly addressed the power, or lack thereof, of Satan. He explained in this devotional that Satan uses the footholds or opportunities that we give him against us. He uses what we say, what we do and what we think to gain entrance into our lives to deceive and manipulate us into shifting our focus away from God and His Word. That immediately brought to mind the fact that I'd told my children, in anger and in hurt, that, 'I was done with them and that they weren't ever to ask me for another thing'.
I began to think of how later in the evening, my child apologized for being "ungrateful." I'd muttered a thank you and kept going about my way. Was I holding a grudge??!! Really? Against my child? EPIC FAIL!!!!!
I thought about the mercy and grace that God had extended, and does extend to me and felt shamefaced. Why was I the one being childish? I realized that it was because I am struggling with getting used to living on one income. I was taking the opportunity to deflect onto someone else. Poor kid. Was my child wrong? Absolutely, I believe that she was. However, it is my job to turn that into a living, teachable moment.
After they had gone to bed, I realized that I needed to forgive her and move on-- quickly. Move on to showing her the example of Christ. Forgiveness and restoration. How dare I allow my feelings to create room for the enemy in my life and the lives of my children! How can one resent a child? I have been arrested by the expectations of God and am repentant and remorseful. This thing is a non-issue RIGHT NOW. There is forgiveness, not resentment. There is a mature example and a life lesson, not a set-up for my child to have some sort of issue or complex later.
I forgive and am forgiven. And tomorrow, when she wakes, I will give her a big hug and a kiss and let her know that this incident has been "forgotten." Like it never happened. I will apologize, tell her that I was wrong and ask her to forgive me also.
Thank you Jesus for the lesson.
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