I'm back!

  Okay friends... I haven't been a part of the blogosphere for a little while now. Nothing like life to pop up and interrupt things right? I get migraines (lucky me). And last week I found myself in the urgent care and in the ER because of the headaches. Definitely not fun. It's not like I didn't receive "prudent and efficient" care, (wink, wink Tina, RN :)) but being a patient is just not enjoyable. I'd much rather be the nurse :) (Those of you who have my earlier posts know that I am a nurse by trade).
After being out of commission for a few days, it took me a while to get back to normal. The prescribed medications helped my symptoms but had me feeling some kind of way. :/ When I finally felt that I was myself again, there was a household just waiting for somebody to take control of it. And, of course, that someone would be me. I could only muster up the strength to homeschool my children 1 day that week. They'd been staying with my mom and sister and so counted the break in the lesson as a little vacation. These children of mine.... Don't they know the value of a good education? Kidding, kidding...
  Between this post and the last, I have had lots of thoughts that I wished I'd had the time to commit to my blog space. Unfortunately, it just wasn't there. But alas, I have returned to Jesus, coffee, kids and cake! And I'm glad about it! I need this blog and this anonymity. I write to sort out my thoughts so this helps me tremendously. And once it truly takes on a defined form, maybe it will helps someone else as well... We'll see... 
Right now, I will just be satisfied with a place to share my feelings and thoughts concerning those things that are common to wives and mothers. <3
  Speaking of the common threads between us all, how many of you find yourselves burning the candle at both ends? I sure have been guilty of that lately. Take tonight for example. It's 4 am and here I am...blogging. I think I just heard someone yell, "GET TO BED!!" Or maybe that was the voice inside my head? Anywho, I have been awake for almost 24 hours now and surely I will pay for this tomorrow. However, I find that I can work most efficiently after my children have been put down for a midsummers night dream. Technically, it's fall though, right? Ok, let me think (I'm warning you, maybe not so well at this hour)... After my children have FALLen to sleep. Ha! That was a funny play on words, eh? Eh? Eh? I know, I know. It was lame and pointless.... But back to my original point--I can actually get things done when they are quietly tucked away in their beds. Imagine that! 
  But seriously, I have cleaned the entire house, done several week's worth of laundry, opened a foot-high stack of mail, and  made preparation to pay bills with my hubby tomorrow. I have really accomplished A LOT! And this is really a big deal because let me tell you something else about me... I am a HUGE procrastinator! I always say that I'm gonna stop procrastinating tomorrow. And of course, tomorrow never comes. Seriously though, that's one of the areas of my life that I need to tighten up. That and being more disciplined and more organized. Let me know if anyone knows of any good support
groups in the area! Like the kind that meet in an elementary school cafeteria on weeknights... Kidding, Kidding.
On a serious note, I have just met my 1 month stay at home mommy status anniversary! *bows sweetly* And no, seriously, what do I find myself doing? Behaving just like the children of Israel! Wondering if I have made the right choice, wondering if I am in God's timing? Odd, huh? The very thing that I used to complain (tsk, tsk. I know.) about, am I know seeking to find that stress and take refuge in it? As stated before, I believe it to primarily be the man's responsibility to provide for the family. I don't necessarily believe that women should not work outside the home. This is just what it has come to in my situation. I needed reciprocity. I needed and expected more help than I was receiving. It is a difficult thing to be a Godly wife, to love and nurture your children, to keep house, etc. AND work outside the home--all at the same time. I had pretty much had it up to here *points to eyebrows with all four fingers* with the responsibility of it all and just decided that I was done with my assistance in the "wage earner" column.
  However, yesterday, I was in need of some support. I went through a photo list in my head. MOM, SISTER, GOOD FRIEND, FORMER CO-WORKER, COUSIN, CHURCH FRIENDS. I eliminated each one for no certain reason or another... I felt the need to pray. Pray to the God of this universe, the master planner of this community in which we live and die. To pray to Jesus with my understanding and in the Spirit. There HAD to be something that needed to be spoken into existence. I was feeling purposeless. Egads! How can that be, right? My hands are literally filled with the privilege and opportunity to be the first responder in the lives of three beautiful children! There are souls are on the line! They are to be taught and urged to become soldiers in the Lord's army!
  And if I know all of that, then what, pretell is my problem???? Well, I think the problem is a lack of perspetive. It's easy to get caught up in the everyday mundane tasks of life. I have been walking around like a cute little robot and  just going through the motions. Finding myself bored...and questioning the reasons for which I decided to be a stay home mom. Why have I become unfocused? Possibly it is remembering what it was like to get a direct deposit ? Or maybe it is the new caution with which I spend? *Sigh...*
So, until I hear from the Lord, I will be quieting myself more and praying more. I am going to read my Bible more with the hope of finding solace, comfort, encouragement and confirmation as to whether I have embarked upon the right path.
Actually, I know that I have. I just need the peace of God that surpasses all understanding to get me around, over or under this little roadblock of doubt. 
Goodnight yall!