My dear husband and I are asking the Lord to bless our decisions to homeschool and my staying home with the kids.
I believe that my staying home is critical to the fulfillment of my creation role. Can it be done otherwise? Sure, with God all things are possible... :/ It, however, was impossible for me. The likely reason? Operating in my own strength! <---FAIL! lol...
My perception of the issue (and I say that because there are 2 sides to every story) was that I worked outside the home and that his contribution inside the home was not enough. There was SO much that I felt responsible for. I don't feel the need to go into a lot of detail because plenty of you can relate. I have a home to care for and administrate, 3 children, 2 big dogs, etc. I was tired, exhausted, and worst of all, harboring resentment toward my husband.
1 Cor 13 admonishes us to "bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things" (NASB, v7). I wasn't scoring very well in this area!
It was difficult for me to walk in the absolute truth of 1 Corinthians 13 with my husband. I was constantly keeping record of my offenses. I found it hard to truly respect him. I was having issues with being grateful for the things that he WAS doing because
to me, it was never enough. I was forever focused on his faults and never took the time to praise him for the areas in which he was truly winning.
So, fast forward to me making the decision to stay home. Get to it, right? :) I was kind of in-between jobs... I'd just resigned from one job and was poised to start with a new company within the next week. The new job would call for less hours per day, the same number of days per week. The pay was a bit less but the drive was going to be a bit further....in rush hour traffic. Boooooo!! :( I was happy in the sense that I was leaving my old gig behind for something less taxing but still very unsettled about what was going on within.
Sometime between the time that I resigned from job 1 and the weekend before I was supposed to start job 2 , I had a very strong desire to stop working... I am not claiming some supernatural uneasiness or lack of peace that I can call the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I had simply arrived at the point where I believed that I needed and wanted to do what God had created me to do, first and foremost. I would be amiss if I did not admit, at this time, that my pastor believes strongly in what he refers to as "creation roles."
Unfortunately, this desire manifested itself in ....not so Godly ways (hides face in shame, lol) It took on the form of anger, sadness, the silent treatment, abstaining (!) and a plain 'ol disinterest in anything concerning my husband. I guess I was shutting down? Pushing him away? Building a wall (a stronghold and space for the enemy) between he and I? The poor guy was just catching it! This, of course, all stemmed from a lack of communication. I didnt want to voice these concerns to my husband. Why? I'd been there, done that! End result? ---> I felt crazy for wanting something different than what was normal for multitudes of women. In the U.S., women make up nearly half the workforce.
On the flip side, after having this conversation once before, my poor husband felt beat down and belittled because the good that he was doing was not being recognized or acknowledged.
I felt like God knew how I felt and if it was important or legitimate, then He could get the information to my husband better than I could. As I stated before, this was probably already happening due to the fact that we had been discussing roles and responsibilities at church for a long while now.
To make a long story longer :), I was working my last two days of job 1 and I sent him a text msg at the end of the first night and told him that I was done working. His response? "K." Huh??????? I didnt know whether to take that at face value or whether there was a storm brewing. However, after that seemingly very simple text-mode conversation, I immediately felt better.
The job that I had lined up, I turned it down. I was forthcoming with the manager as to why I was now declining the position. She seemed very understanding and even supportive of my decision. God bless her!
I just spent my first full week at home with the children!!! I am forever grateful to God for this opportunity and to my husband for being supportive. I used to gripe at my husband for his lack of effort when it came to household tasks. I feel like, "I'm home, its my responsibility to keep it decent and in order." It gets messy from time to time but I make every attempt to to keep the house clean. I prefer it that way and I want him to feel comfortable and assured that I'm committed to my role as wife and mother.
I will say (there's a bug crawling on my floor. Hold on....(ok, I'm back) ) that since I have been home, I no longer feel as if I'm pulling double duty. My hubby and I have been enjoying each other more--both as simple companions and lovers. He has said that he immediately felt the tension lift
and noticed that he hasn't had to take cover from the many fiery sarcastic darts I usually carry around in my arsenal. :/
We are not rich or wealthy. Just regular middle class folks. We are realistic and understand that there will have to be sacrifices and cutbacks made. However, the investment I believe I'm making in my marriage and in my children is beyond worth it.
I believe that God is pleased with the desire to turn away from my sin ( in the way I was treating my husband) and turn toward righteousness. I plan to have a marriage modeled after God's design and not after the ways of this world. I want my daughters to know what a good wife and mother
is because they've had one modeled before them.
I'm sure that with what we have done, challenges are sure to surface. However, we are equipped with what we believe the will of God is for our family. The joy, peace, and contentment of the Lord is our strength. We will leave an inheritance of faith and obedience to our children.
We will be just fine.
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